Someone Sounds Unstable

"From Hedgesville:

Would someone please inform the idiots on Interstate 81 that the left lane is for passing slower-moving traffic and not for use by slower traffic or by drivers who are sightseeing. It's ridiculous that you folks complain about tailgating when you literally have 20 to 30 cars piled up behind you. Do you ever stop and think that since you are holding up traffic that maybe you are the one with the problem? Learn how to drive, or keep your horse and buggy in the barn."

Sounds good Hedgesville. Let's keep the buggies on the backroads, so the I-81 runway is clear for the Lears.

Tiger + Cougar = Cheetah. Oh My!

"From Martinsburg:

I am just calling about this whole Tiger Wood thing: People are already getting tired of hearing it. Instead of calling him Tiger, I think we just need to start calling him cheetah."

It's a jungle out there!

Tiger

 

Cougar

Cheetah

A Royal Flush

"From Inwood:

To the caller from Inwood with the commode lid decision to make: This is a very, very septic problem that should be put in the hands of pros. Surely the United States Senate members are the only ones qualified to flush out this mess."

Amazing. Truly Amazing. Hats off (or should I say seat down) to you Inwood, you win.

Bed and Badger

"From Glengary:
 What's up with the Panhandle's bed and breakfasts and hotels and their irrational animal racism? My mother's Christmas visit isn't going to be very merry if I can't find a place willing to take a chance on a miniature badger. It makes me want to vomit!"

Let me get this straight: you're looking for lodging for this guy?

Why can't this cuddly little bundle of fur stay at YOUR house, Glengary?

The Commode Conundrum Continues

I'm giving "Hedgesville" the benefit of the doubt here and assuming this JJ is dripping with sarcasm.

From Hedgesville:

For the Inwood caller who (understandably) finds indoor plumbing confusing, the "proper" position for the commode seat when not in use is seat up/lid down.

Regardless, I can't wait for when--not if, definitely when--someone submits a JJ explaining the difference between the toilet lid and the toilet seat, since "Hedgesville" obviously doesn't know the difference.

More Than a Dirty Shame

"From Jefferson County:

To whoever was in charge of the Christmas parade lineup for Shepherdstown: I think it was a dirty shame that you had the horses before the bands. Their waste was all over the road and some of the kids almost stepped in it. From now on, I wish they would put the horses at the end of the parade."


Sounds like it was more than the shame that was dirty.

Potty Talk

There aren't even words for this one...

"From Inwood:

Our family recently had a discussion on the position of the commode seat in our bathroom when it was not in use. Is it proper for both the seat and lid to be up or down, or should the lid be up and the seat down? Thank you for your advice."

But there is a picture:

 

Hi Pot, Meet Kettle

"From Martinsburg:
 Journal Junction callers sure do have a lot of time on their hands."

So if Journal Junction callers have too much time on their hands, and I am reading your comment in Journal Junction, than that means that you too, Martinsburg, have too much time on your hands.

Show and Tell with Sergeant Squirrel

"From Berkeley County:

Could someone in the Eastern Panhandle please enlighten me as to how a nutcase can buy or own a gun?"

I bet this guy could help you out:
 

Lessons in Loungewear

"From Martinsburg:

I see where those who have totally given up on their wardrobes and used to wear sweat pants now are running through the stores in lounge pants or as some people call them, sleep pants. Which is just what they are for, lounging at your house or sleeping, not shopping at the grocery store or going to Walmart. So get a grip and stay at home in the recliner on the porch or put some real clothes on before you go out."

Alright Martinsburg, time for a little fashion lesson. First of all, there is a BIG difference between loungewear and sleepwear--think Juicy Couture versus Joe Boxer.  Not to mention, if you do indeed believe that sweat pants are preferable to lounge pants, I ask you to examine Exhibits A and B below.
 

Exhibit A: Lounge Pants

(Photo:Star Style Inc)

 

Exhibit B: Sweat Pants

(Photo: People of Walmart)

Now tell me again which you would rather run into at Wally World?

Driver's Ed: WV Style

"From Hedgesville:

After living here for a few years, I finally found out the "rules" of driving. Never let anyone out - either the person behind you gets mad or the person you let out never thanks you. Drive as close as you can to the person in front of you, and if they don't go faster, yell out the window. ... Speed as fast as possible. ... Never get over on a narrow street, the other vehicle will. ..."

If you have any tips or tales about driving in WV, feel free to share them in the comment section!

Oh No They Didn't

Oh yes they did!

"From Martinsburg:

It's called a recession when your neighbor gets laid off. It's called a depression when you get laid off. It will be called an economic recovery when Barack Obama loses his job."

I know I said I would do my best to stay out of politics--at the National level anyway--but I just couldn't resist posting this one.

Bah Humbug

"From Shepherdstown:

I feel the Christmas in Shepherdstown celebration should have been canceled. This event is a waste of time, a waste of the town's money and a waste of the resources. This should be discontinued permanently."

Apparently Scrooge moved to Shepherdstown.

Feuding Flags

After 3 JJ posts, I finally drove past Essroc to see for myself what the deal was with these flags. For the record, I'm 99.9% sure they're actually the same height...

Journal Junction, November 27, 2009

"From Harpers Ferry:

Take a drive into Martinsburg by the K-Mart. Then have a long look at the flag flying on the top of the huge tower that belongs to the concrete or whatever company. It's a Mexican flag and it is higher than the American flag! Does anyone else see a problem with this?"

Journal Junction, December 5, 2009

"From Martinsburg;
 To Harpers Ferry caller: That is an Italian flag flying over Essroc, which is an Italian company. Learn your flags!"

Journal Junction, December 7, 2009

"From Martinsburg:

The concrete plant has an Italian flag flying from the top of the tower. Maybe you should educate yourself on the flags of the world, before you go spouting off about something you "know." The tower is an eyesore, not the flag."

MEXICAN FLAG

ITALIAN FLAG

To defend Harpers Ferry (which I can't believe I'm doing) the Mexican and Italian flags do look similar. I would imagine this is especially true when you're speeding down Route 9, drinking Starbucks, talking on your cell phone, craning your neck out the car window, looking for a complaint to submit to Journal Junction.

Sleeping Kitty, Hidden Doggy

"From Gerrardstown:

To the caller concerned about the disappearing cats in Martinsburg: Here's your tip: It is the "cat napper" (sic)."

Touché Gerrardstown. Cat Burglar would have been the obvious choice, but you have exceeded DJ expectations with your retort. The cat napping comment is creative and you used a "sic" *swoon*.