"Someone please tell the guy on NBC25 News he is not smiling, he is frowning!"
Silly newsman, don't you know that you're supposed to be grinning like the cheshire cat while you're reporting on death, destruction, and the decreasing dollar?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Turn that Frown Upside Down
From Jefferson County:
"Someone please tell the guy on NBC25 News he is not smiling, he is frowning!"
Silly newsman, don't you know that you're supposed to be grinning like the cheshire cat while you're reporting on death, destruction, and the decreasing dollar?
"Someone please tell the guy on NBC25 News he is not smiling, he is frowning!"
Silly newsman, don't you know that you're supposed to be grinning like the cheshire cat while you're reporting on death, destruction, and the decreasing dollar?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
You Know You Missed Me
Guess who's baaaaack?!?!?! So let's be frank here, Journal Junction was pretty awful for gee, I dont know, the past 9 months? Was Journal Junction on maternity leave or something?
Anyway, with the debut of a bigger, better JJ, I feel that it's my duty as a West Virginian (or am I a Virginian now) to once again showcase Journal Junction's finest faux pas in grammar, facts, and common sense.
Where do I even begin?
How about with an AMEN!
From Bunker Hill:
For all of you people who need to eat candy while you are in church: Please take it out of the wrapper and put it in a baggie so you don't disturb everyone around you. We came to hear the word of God.
Hold the presses. Are you referring to a PLASTIC bag?!
From Berkeley County:
In response to Delegate Doyle's HB2136 proposal to assess a 5-cent tax for each plastic bag received to carry your groceries: I have a suggestion for Doyle and his tax-and-spend junkies in Charleston ... why not submit a bill to assess politicians 5 cents for every time they open their mouth with a stupid idea to take more of my money? Heck, lets do this in every state. The deficit would be solved in a matter of months, and we'd end up with a surplus to sustain every entitlement program ever dreamed of by these goofballs! ...
Maybe we should just put a 10% tax on Church candy and call it a day.
Anyway, with the debut of a bigger, better JJ, I feel that it's my duty as a West Virginian (or am I a Virginian now) to once again showcase Journal Junction's finest faux pas in grammar, facts, and common sense.
Where do I even begin?
How about with an AMEN!
From Bunker Hill:
For all of you people who need to eat candy while you are in church: Please take it out of the wrapper and put it in a baggie so you don't disturb everyone around you. We came to hear the word of God.
Hold the presses. Are you referring to a PLASTIC bag?!
From Berkeley County:
In response to Delegate Doyle's HB2136 proposal to assess a 5-cent tax for each plastic bag received to carry your groceries: I have a suggestion for Doyle and his tax-and-spend junkies in Charleston ... why not submit a bill to assess politicians 5 cents for every time they open their mouth with a stupid idea to take more of my money? Heck, lets do this in every state. The deficit would be solved in a matter of months, and we'd end up with a surplus to sustain every entitlement program ever dreamed of by these goofballs! ...
Maybe we should just put a 10% tax on Church candy and call it a day.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Gaga-Gate
The controversy surrounding Luke Loy's product launch party, or Gaga-Gate as I like to call it, has been the most entertaining thing in the Journal since the Surkamp Saga.
"You wouldn't believe the stir this has caused here. The kids in school are arguing about it, co-workers are arguing..."
However, since the Journal Powers That Be have been the fun police lately (i.e. lame Journal Junctions), they've closed down the comment sections. Luckily, though, the "Official" Adam Lambert site has a pretty entertaining forum on this hot debate: will Lady Gaga and Adam Lambert grace J. Co. with their presence? Stay tuned...
For the sake of everyone involved I really hope this event is for real. I also must confess that much like OK Magazine and Pop Rocks, Lady Gaga is one of my guilty pleasures. *hangs head in shame*
Friday, March 12, 2010
I Can't Work Under These Conditions
For the past month or so, Journal Junction has been extremely dissappointing. Most days it's lack thereof or, when there more than 3 JJ's, they're either too long or just straight up LAME. It's getting to the point that Hints from Heloise is more entertaining. What's an anonymous blogger to do?!
I just can't work with material like this:
March 1
"From Martinsburg:
In 2008 and 2009, Social Security deducted $96.40 for my Medicare medical insurance. My deduction for 2010 is $221 per month, reducing my Medicare check by $125. So much for no tax increase for less than $250,000 a year."
Thanks for the math lesson: DON'T CARE!
March 5
"From Kearneysville:
The Potomac Market Place shopping center in beautiful downtown Ranson needs a gas station desperately. After shopping in Weis or perhaps eating a delicious meal at Panera's, you, as the handsome, above-average individual, come out to your vehicle and begin the trip home only to find the fuel needle touching "E." In a panic, where can you go? Charles Town? You'll never make. Kearneysville? You've got to be joking."
Above-Average Individual, Under-Average Intelligence
March 8
"From Martinsburg:
The Martinsburg Bon-Ton is giving away a free gift at the Elizabeth Arden counter when you spend $24.50 or more! It's a great value and the free gift has a lot of goodies."
Or I could just read the Bon-Ton circular that comes with the paper
March 11
"From Martinsburg:
To the Martinsburg caller complaining about Barack Obama's budget: This is the first time the costs of the two wars have been included in the budget. The prior administration funded the two wars with appropriation bills that added to the deficit. Then there was the program to subsidize the cost of prescription drugs for the elderly that benefited the drug companies and not the people. Also, you need to consider the 2004 policy of sending jobs overseas, so unemployment is not cheap. But, hey, the Republicans have the answer: Do away with Medicare so that the retired people can add to the profit of the health care companies."
Stop being a pansy and just write a letter to the editor
March 12
"From Arden:
Here's a suggestion for the Berkeley County Sewer Department: They can follow suit with the U.S. Postal Service and only flush five days a week, or build a second floor in their main office and rent out the space."
Close to being a good one, yet somehow misses the mark
I BEG of you, Journal Readers, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come out of hibernation and start submitting some JJ's that give me a reason to cross the road and get my paper every morning.
I just can't work with material like this:
March 1
"From Martinsburg:
In 2008 and 2009, Social Security deducted $96.40 for my Medicare medical insurance. My deduction for 2010 is $221 per month, reducing my Medicare check by $125. So much for no tax increase for less than $250,000 a year."
Thanks for the math lesson: DON'T CARE!
March 5
"From Kearneysville:
The Potomac Market Place shopping center in beautiful downtown Ranson needs a gas station desperately. After shopping in Weis or perhaps eating a delicious meal at Panera's, you, as the handsome, above-average individual, come out to your vehicle and begin the trip home only to find the fuel needle touching "E." In a panic, where can you go? Charles Town? You'll never make. Kearneysville? You've got to be joking."
Above-Average Individual, Under-Average Intelligence
March 8
"From Martinsburg:
The Martinsburg Bon-Ton is giving away a free gift at the Elizabeth Arden counter when you spend $24.50 or more! It's a great value and the free gift has a lot of goodies."
Or I could just read the Bon-Ton circular that comes with the paper
March 11
"From Martinsburg:
To the Martinsburg caller complaining about Barack Obama's budget: This is the first time the costs of the two wars have been included in the budget. The prior administration funded the two wars with appropriation bills that added to the deficit. Then there was the program to subsidize the cost of prescription drugs for the elderly that benefited the drug companies and not the people. Also, you need to consider the 2004 policy of sending jobs overseas, so unemployment is not cheap. But, hey, the Republicans have the answer: Do away with Medicare so that the retired people can add to the profit of the health care companies."
Stop being a pansy and just write a letter to the editor
March 12
"From Arden:
Here's a suggestion for the Berkeley County Sewer Department: They can follow suit with the U.S. Postal Service and only flush five days a week, or build a second floor in their main office and rent out the space."
Close to being a good one, yet somehow misses the mark
I BEG of you, Journal Readers, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come out of hibernation and start submitting some JJ's that give me a reason to cross the road and get my paper every morning.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Why don't cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
"From Kearneysville:
Do you hear that ear-splitting moooo? It's only the Route 9 construction project being milked for all it's worth!"
"From Kearneysville:
Do you hear that ear-splitting moooo? It's only the Route 9 construction project being milked for all it's worth!"
Friday, February 5, 2010
And On Your Left is Looney Liberal Lane
'From Martinsburg:
In response to the "Cry Baby Corner" caller: How about having a separate column called Looney Liberal Lane. Then you folks could have a section for radical ideas and morally compromising thought. Now that your savior, Barack Obama, isn't doing anything but taking us even further into debt after promising the world to you Kool-Aid drinkers, you move on to the next big thing, which apparently is labeling all white Republicans as racists."
Oh yeeeeeeaahhh!
In response to the "Cry Baby Corner" caller: How about having a separate column called Looney Liberal Lane. Then you folks could have a section for radical ideas and morally compromising thought. Now that your savior, Barack Obama, isn't doing anything but taking us even further into debt after promising the world to you Kool-Aid drinkers, you move on to the next big thing, which apparently is labeling all white Republicans as racists."
Oh yeeeeeeaahhh!
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