I def chuckled when I read this
letter to the editor, but the funniest part by far was the preface. Sometimes we just don't
get it, do we?
Reader offers parody outlining driving advice
By Alcia Quiambao, Shannondale:
The following letter is a tongue-and-cheek piece and should not be taken as actual driving rule.
I appreciated a recent Journal Junction comment about poor driving skills. That got me to thinking, and I decided to list some of the horrible driving that makes me roll my eyes.
When making a right turn, always swing left into a large arc so you can scare the pants off of the oncoming drivers. Conversely, when making a left turn, swing right into the lane beside you. It keeps everyone awake.
Stop signs? Those are for the peons - not for you. A four-way stop sign? Treat those as a stare down at OK Corral. The first one who blinks loses his turn. Yellow light? I believe that means "slam the gas pedal down so far that your car leaves the ground."
On the interstate, always enter at 40 to 50 miles under the speed limit. You aren't living until you cut someone off and scare the heck out of them. Of course, if you miss your off ramp, never get off on the next ramp and head back. Oh, heck no, back up on the freeway! Those fools going the correct way should watch out for you. Make sure to straddle the yellow line or weave from lane to lane. That keeps the fools guessing! Also, it is very popular to weave in and out of traffic on the interstate, cutting people off.
If you need to turn onto a road, wait until the oncoming car is almost up to you. Then, pull out in front of it at 30 miles under the speed limit. After all, an adrenaline rush is good for them.
Right on red? It is supposed to mean right on red without affecting oncoming traffic, which has the right of way. But not around here. Go around that corner at 100 miles per hour on two wheels so that you can cut people off. And for those of you who are waiting for someone to make a right on red, show him how mature and in control you are by leaning on the horn and using those special finger gestures.
Always follow the car in front of you at 1 inch for every 10 mph you are going. The weak at heart call this tailgating, but what do they know?
I especially love when people turn on their car's left blinker and then turn right. We all love a good mystery. And by all means use those bright lights so you can burn out other people's retinas. There is an over abundance of seeing eye dogs that need homes.
And of course, there's the use of cell phones. Enough said.
"It's a graduated offense mechanism," Lawrence said, adding that the intent was to avoid further overcrowding of West Virginia's jails.
