Sarah Palin Cheesecake?

"From Berkeley Springs:

The Sarah Palin cheesecake makes more sense than global warming and carbon dioxide pollution."

Do you by chance have the recipe for that? From your description I'm hoping it's no-bake and organic! Why just today I found a recipe for Hillary Clinton Russian Tea Cakes; I wonder if Sarah Palin can see those from her house???
 
 

It's More Than a Feeling

Did I not promise quality JJ's during Hunting Season?

"From Berkeley Springs:

Seems the Chestnut Hill Road caller equates liking country life with also liking the killing, maiming and torture of our wildlife. You people destroy all that is beautiful in our world. Remember one thing, the wildlife belongs to all of us and many of us hate your recreational feeling."

Every time I read this entry, I get that Boston song stuck in my head: only my version goes something like this:

I looked out this morning and the fog was gone

Put on some camo to start my day

I lost myself in a familiar woods

I load my gun and I hike away

It's more than a feeling

(More than a feeling)

When I see that the first deer of the day

(More than a feeling)

I begin aiming
(More than a feeling)

'Til I see that 12 point run away

So many whitetail have come and gone

Their antlers grow as the years go by

Yet I still recall as I wander on

As clear as the sites on my .45

It's more than a feeling

When I'm tired and getting cold

I hide in my treestand, forget the day

And dream of what could be on my wall

I closed my eyes and he gets away

He gets away

It's more than a feeling

(More than a feeling)

When I see that the first deer of the day

(More than a feeling)

I begin aiming
(More than a feeling)

'Til I see that 12 point run away

(More than a feeling)

When I see that the first deer of the day

(More than a feeling)

I begin aiming
(More than a feeling)

'Til I see that 12 point run away

Bambi--It's What's for Dinner

"From Martinsburg:

To the caller from Martinsburg: Don't worry, I won't shoot the small bucks. I will leave them for you or until they grow big. I will shoot the does, they are better eating."

I wish all hunters a safe and happy hunting season, and I encourage all of the anti-hunting crowd to please, PLEASE voice your concerns via Journal Junction. I think some of my all-time favorite JJ's have appeared around this time of year: remember the great debate over crosswalks for deer? I rest my case.

He Said, That She Said, That They Said

"From Charles Town:

To the person confused about South Jefferson Elementary: Keri Mahoney is the head teacher. Is Obama "president" or "commander in chief"? ... Now, about the "Red Zone." Were you aware that South Jefferson has literally doubled in size in the last few years? ... The students need to be guided to specials and lunch, usually several classrooms at a time, and maintaining a quiet "no talking" rule has served its purpose well this year. ..."

Who? What?? Huh??? I read this one several times over breakfast, and even after 3 cups of coffee I was still confused. Exactly how many JJ's is this person responding to? Not to mention, are there actually any properly structured sentences in their comment?

Car Wars: Shannondale Snaps Back

On November 12 "Martinsburg" laid down the gauntlet:

"From Martinsburg:

I have owned 10 cars in my life, and every one of them was made by an American company in America by Americans. How many other Americans can say that?"

Today, "Shannondale" threw it right back at 'em:

"From Shannondale:

To the Martinsburg caller who has owned 10 American-made cars: I have only owned a couple of cars in my life and I am 50 years old. The reason that I have only owned a couple is because they were made in Japan."

Oh SNAP!

Mystery Mastodon

I love when after 3 weeks or so, someone finally snaps and tells it like it is. Hopefully this JJ puts an end to the school lunch saga.

From Charles Town:

It is a well-known fact that school lunches are just gross. They have been gross since the beginning of time, cavemen probably ate gross lunches. So to all the people that are acting like this is something new: I am sure that you ate nasty school lunches and your parents never called in whining and complaining. If you are that concerned about them do as I do and pack your child's lunch so you will know it is good and healthy.

DJ salutes you "Charles Town" for your witty, straightforward, sarcastic (but not too sarcastic) retort.

Surkamp's "Blue Moon" Trumps Twilight's "New Moon"

And the Jim Surkamp saga continues: today's JJ devoted 4 whole entries to him! Tragically, only one of those was actually DJ-worthy.

"From Ranson:

Anyone who believes Jim Surkamp's explanation of why he tried to vote twice in the zoning election will believe that the moon is made of green cheese."

Silly Ranson, everyone knows that the moon is made of BLUE cheese.
 

Lake of Fire: Commercial or Residential?

From Middleway:

I want to thank the Godly people in Jefferson County who voted no for the zoning. I am a devoted Christian and a true believer in God. All I can say is God made it all possible. Thanks again, and may God bless you.

So what exactly does that make the people who voted for zoning?

Vote Early and Vote Often

"Vote early and often, unless you're a [fill in opposing party] then you vote on Wednesday."
                                                                                                                         -Anon

"From Harpers Ferry:

In regard to Jim Surkamp trying to vote twice on that referendum because he wanted to see how the system works: I think maybe we need to show him how the system works, and that voting twice is illegal."

Local political scandals are truly like front page Journal Junctions.

Happy Birthday Mothman!

Thanks to The Journal for the heads-up that this month marks the 43rd birthday of Mothman: who is perhaps my favorite piece of West Virginia folklore.

If Wikipedia is accurate (which is laughable) his birthday was actually November 12, 1966, so I'm a few days late. Hopefully, though, this rather frightening "cryptid" won't hold that against me and show up rap tap tapping at my window tonight.

Since there aren't any gift guides out for "What to get your Mothman for under $20" I suggest reading the book or watching the movie, and just have a good old fright in his horror--I mean honor.

 

Big Brother Needs a MLA Guide

"From Berkeley Springs:

Anyone who believes that you have total control over their computer is not facing reality."

If Big Brother is indeed controlling your computer, I'd think the least he could do is fix your grammar.

 

Trains, Planes, or Tyra Banks?

"From Martinsburg:

Does anyone know where I can get models repaired?"

Dear Martinsburg, could you be any more vague? For all we know you could be in the market for anything from Botox to a new caboose.

BYO Phone Book

"From Ranson:

To the Berkeley County caller: If the Jefferson County commission has to pay Leslie Smith anything close to a half of million dollar settlement, you may have to revert to corncob or Bring Your Own Toilet Paper."

We're civilized here in the Eastern Panhandle; we prefer Yellow Pages to corncobs.

And it looks like the way things are progressing in JCo. they're going to have to change the Yellow Pages slogan from "let your fingers do the walking."

You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea

"From South Berkeley County:

To the person or people complaining about school lunches being chicken or fish: You should be thankful that you know it is chicken or fish. When I was in school, we had something that would be brown that we were told was mystery meat."

My question is: do you really know that it's chicken or fish? How many times have you heard the phrase "tastes just like chicken"? Just something to think about...
 
 

Wanted: Gnome-nappers

"From Martinsburg:

To the deserving people who took 18 of my collection of gnomes: I'm so sorry to take the fun out of your stealing games, but I took the remainder of them inside. I would rather have given them to you if you'd have asked. Once a thief, always a thief. God help you. He knows who you are."

What's more bizarre than having 18+ gnomes in your yard? Finding 163,000 Google results for "gnome napping."

Welcome to the Cesspool

From Jefferson County:

This nation is slowly sliding into a cesspool of extinction.

...and Journal Junction is the diving board.

It Pays to Get Fired

From Charles Town:

Would the Jefferson County commissioners please fire me? I could really use the $600,000.

Who needs table games when you can just get fired?!

I Prefer My TP Perforated

From Berkeley County:

Since the Jefferson County Commission micromanages everything in the county including building projects, are the restrooms in public buildings going to be equipped with detachable, perforated toilet paper or that annoying pull and rip variety? Further study may be needed.

I'm willing to wager that there will be at least one JJ response where someone takes this issue seriously.